A Toast To Dorothy Parker

In celebration of Dorothy Parker’s birthday today, we decided to share some of our favorite quotes and poems of hers that we like to use as toasts. So raise your glass and join us for a toast to Dorothy Parker!
(P.S. if you memorize these, we’ll let you recite one on our Literary Pub Crawl!)

For when you’re feeling catty…
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me.”

For when you’re feeling snarky…
“You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.”

For when you’re feeling taciturn…
“Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker.”

For when you’re feeling poetic…
Inventory, 1926
“Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the things I’d been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.”

For when you’re feeling yourself…
“If I didn’t care for fun and such,
I’d probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.”

For when you’re feeling like a tour guide… (because we recite this one on Saturdays!)
“I love to have a martini.
Two at the very most.
Three and I’m under the table.
Four and I’m under the host.”

And if you don’t know who Dorothy Parker is, we feel sorry for you. There is only so much we can do to help you, but our main suggestion would be to book a private Lit Pub Crawl tour of Midtown immediately. Or check out our Ladies Who Lit Virtual Broadcast Tour! Good luck to you (you’ll need it)!